I just packed up a bunch of stuff to go to the resale shop. Not exactly a newsflash, I know.
But it a way, it was a monumental step for me.
I also threw away a bunch of hose and stockings and their associated et ceteras, because I can’t remember the last time I wore anything that required them and can’t imagine needing to now – and in fact, I no longer have any clothes that I would need to wear hose with for any reason.
And it felt so freeing.
Here’s the monumental part: I finally let go of the too-small-now clothes I had been hanging on to for years in the vain hope that I would ever be small enough to wear them again. Every year I go through this ritual – twice – of getting out my next-season clothes toward the end of the current season to see what I have and what I need, and for the last few years, there have been more and more of what I call my “someday clothes.” And looking at them always makes me feel sad and heavy and defeated.
But this year, I looked at them and realized, they’re nothing like the clothes I actually want to wear now. What I want are soft, easy, stretchy clothes that drape and flow and feel amazing on my body and move however I want to move without giving me any guff about it. Most of my someday clothes were … not really that. A couple of them were close, but I didn’t love them anymore, so they’re going away.
Because screw someday, seriously. Now is what matters, and I don’t need to be hanging on to a bunch of too-small clothes that make me feel guilty and fat and hopeless. No, actually, fuck that. They were just weighing me down. The more I embrace where I’m at, the more I appreciate who I have become. And that includes the wrinkles and the weight and the cellulite and the … gravitas.
Yes, I no longer sag; I have gravitas. Gravitas is fabulous.
I’ve been learning a lot about aging and hormones, and understanding that our bodies go through a natural process of softening and easing and loosening as we get older. Not every body, but a hell of a lot of us. And we can either have compassion and appreciation for ourselves through it, or we can continue to feel guilt and shame and disappointment. And, as I said above, fuck that.
I want to be a sparkling-eyed woman who relishes her food, laughs loud and openly, sings with gusto, dances like nobody is judging (especially me), and lets herself go in the best possible ways – not just another middle-aged woman who has let herself go. Because, once again, fuck that. Life is just too damn short to obsess over this crap anymore.
According to what I’ve been learning, the best thing I can do is take good and tender care of myself and stay as healthy as I can through moderate exercise, a low-fat anti-inflammatory diet, as much sleep as I want to get (between 7 and 9 hours is usually sufficient), and a passion for … something. I’ve been doing all that (well, probably not nearly enough of the exercise, honestly) for several years now, so I’m just gonna keep it up. Maybe try to get a couple more walks in every week, and be diligent about my morning stretches. Keep the body fluid and flexible so I can enjoy being in it, because I have so so much to live for.
What about your own closet? What can you free yourself from that will lighten your load and your spirits? Embrace who you are, where you are, and relish the moment!
